The Reluctant Vegetarian

Less than two weeks remain at my current job, and unemployment looms nigh.... I should be more worried, but for heaven's sake, I've been working two jobs, six days a week, since graduation. I am TIRED. I don't remember what it's like to have a weekend, let alone two days off in a row.

To celebrate my-down-to-one-jobness, I've decided to craft and pilot my own vegetarian experiment (read: I am going to be the angriest person next week). This Friday, when I get paid, I'm going to buy all sorts of leafy green garbages and vitaminlicious fruits and subsist on all this healthful crap until I want to throw up. The Reluctant Vegetarian diet goes into effect on Sunday. If I make it to Saturday, I'm giving myself an Oscar. And a big platter of oxtail and potatoes.

The main reason I'm doing this is to try to tease out whatever the heck it is that I'm eating which is causing my skin to freak out in myriad and sundry ways. Did I mention that I'm also cutting out white foods, processed foods, and added sugars? I am going to be SO ANGRY. The way I figure it, if most of the symptoms die down that first week, I'll slowly start adding other stuff back into my diet until I find the culprit. If the symptoms don't die down SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY. AND PAY BIG.

Now you may be asking, "Hey crazy, why don't you just go to a dermotologist, or better yet, an allergist?"

My response to you, oh wisecracking friend, "I DON'T HAVE ANY HEALTH INSURANCE, SUCKER! ALL I GOT IS CASH, THE FARMERS MARKER, A LIBRARY CARD, AND A METROCARD THAT'S VALID UNTIL OCTOBER 4th."

Then I'd apologize. But I can't guarantee that I'll mean it.