A Most Felicitious Error

In every television show there is always the story arc in which the bright-eye protagonist is torn between two men. One is the wholesome, high-fiber, you-better-believe-your-momma-is-gonna-love-him type gentleman. The other is the rebellious, emotionally unavailable waste of your time (latin name: Assholis Supremis). It comes as no surprise to anyone that in the pivotal final episode of the seaon the GIRL MUST CHOSE betwixt the two.

Fast forward three months later to the season premiere. Deep down inside, you know she's going for the asshole, but you're trying to keep hope alive for the sake of the good guy.

I am fourteen and anxiously awaiting the first Felicity episode of the second season. I have my heart set on this scenario:

Felicity: I chose you, Noel.
Noel: Fuck yeah!

or maybe a slightly more romantic version

Felicity: I chose you, Noel.
Noel turns away to face the camera. A single, crystalline tear tracks down his face. He looks majestic, much like the Native American in that 1970s PSA ad that bemoaned the pollution of our parks and waterways.

Instead I get this:

Felicity: I chose you, BEN
Me: BEN? WHAT THE F----
Ben: Did you hear something, Felicity?
Felicity shakes her head, sending a headful of golden curls bouncing.
Felicity: Only the sound of my heart beating in time with yours.
Me: WHO WROTE THIS GARBAGE?
Ben: Wait a second, you had to have heard that. Someone's yellling...
Me: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Felicity: I have always dreamed of the day that we would be together.
Ben: Hush, woman! [begins fiddling with the radio, picks it up, holds it to his ear.]
Is this thing on?
Me: THIS SUCKS. WHERE IS THE POWER RANGERS CHICK? AT LEAST SHE'S MILDY ENTERTAINING.
Ben: Don't you think that's a little rude?
Felicity: How is it rude? I think it's romantic. It's like, fate. Wait till I tell Sally about this! Where's my tape recorder?
Me: UGH. NOW IT'S BACK TO DAWSON'S CREEK.

[Fade to Black]

--- This post brought to you by the new season of Grey's Anatomy